Wednesday, October 22, 2014


It’s been a while since I did a Wednesday What If and now that is October I am officially allowed to post all things horror or Halloween-y. I watched a couple of horror films the other day (You’re Next, The Signal which was really more sci-fi, and old favorite Wrong Turn) and started thinking about the Final Girls and horror films in general. In horror films the final girl is a trope in slasher flicks especially that refers to the last lady alive to confront the killer and tell the story. Final Girls have included Ripley from Alien, Laurie Strode from the Halloween series, Dana from Cabin in the woods, Sidney Prescott from Scream and even Erin from You’re Next. Of course in earlier films the Final Girl was the sweet virginal girl who didn’t partake in any of the usual horror film tropes that would lead to your inevitable death (sex, drugs, alcohol, saying I’ll be right back, etc), but things changed with Scream, Buffy, and others.

It got me thinking though. Who would I want with me in a horror film because obviously I would be the Final Girl? Would I deliberately use someone as fodder to get away? What kind of weapons should I have? Would we all survive? Even though we would have lifelong therapy after? Then what do you know the lovely folks at Man Crates (who create some pretty bad ass gift crates you need to open with a crowbar) challenged me to do a post about the very such thing. It might be a match for the heavens my friends. (By the way I am in no way compensated for this, but I love challenges). Here are my What Ifs/Supplies for a Horror Film. What are yours? Let me know and I will link you up.

Buffy // Buffy the Vampire Slayer
There is always a best friend. Who better to go with me to that Cabin in the Woods, the midnight party on a Deserted Island, or visit the spooky house with than none other than the Slayer herself. Not only would our conversation be witty and amazing, but when it came down to fighting the big bad I know I have at least a little kick ass on my side. Monsters and serial killers beware, I have Buffy on my side.

Mouse // Dresden Files
In some movies the poor unfortunate pet does not make it, but they haven’t met Mouse from the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher. Not only would he alert me to danger, but I could also possibly ride him like a small pony. Sure he looks like a big friendly dog that may lick the slasher’s face off, but it is more likely that he would tear it off. Incredibly loyal and snarky in a way that only Mouse can be, Buffy and I would gladly take him along on a vacation across the moors.

Dead Reckoning // Land of the Dead
Sure it seems like overkill you may say when all Buffy, Mouse and I are going to do is go visit our friends at Crystal Lake or go visit Daryl and Company at their new digs at Terminus. But you can never be too prepared. Well-fortified and in a chic shade of black, Dead Reckoning can be our home away from home while traveling through the desert. If gas does become too scarce we can at least salvage what we can from our vehicle.

Zombie Apocalypse by filipparosberg
Chic yet practical in most horror film situations. Must haves are the belt (just in case you need a tourniquet or way to get down a zipline) and sensible shoes you can run in (heels are the mark of death).

A guy named Johnny or Billy // Horror Films in General
If things get really rough Buffy, Mouse, and I made need some fodder. And if you have seen any horror films in the past 50 years, having a random guy named Johnny means he will be the distraction you need to get away. Seriously never have a boyfriend named John, Johnny, Billy, etc because when you ask is that you Johnny, it never is. I mean this guy would be marked for death. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

Bow and Quiver // Arrow
Now we all know that no particular weapon necessarily guarantees that our foursome is going to make it through the alien invasion/zombie infestation/murder spree alive because as well know things can go wrong (machete means close up, guns require bullets, chainsaws need gas, etc) I am partial to Daryl’s crossbow and would love to bring a lightsaber with me, but for practical reasons I am going to have to go with The Arrow’s bow and quiver perhaps with some of the modified arrows just for good measure. I will let Buffy and Our New Companion…. Carry their own.

Star Lord // Guardians of the Galaxy
You know the one who randomly shows up because he, too, is in trouble. Maybe he is the killer or maybe a very useful ally. Who knows, but ultimately we will win him over to our side or save his ass. Maybe he will save ours with his random knowledge, kick ass tunage, and secret bad ass ninja skills. Also…because. He’s needed. Man, our little trip to go see if that house is really haunted is going to be so snarky and fun. I can’t wait.

The Handbag of Holding would include the following essentials.
* A multi-tool (so that I can Macgyver a few things if need be. Let’s face it being able to modify things while running from a hockey masked killer is vital)
* Portable Cell Phone Charger (Easy to throw into the bag of holding and vital. How many survivors turned into victims because they ran out of a charge)
* Water Purification Water Bottle (Hydration is important as is clean water for wounds, etc. Making sure it is water that won’t leave you off in a corner in a very vulnerable position or make things worse is essential)
* Pain Medication (seems silly but some advil or aspirin can be quite helpful)
* Snacks (we will go with some gum, jerky, and protein bars…wouldn’t do to starve to death)
* Kinetic Flashlight (There is nothing worse than having your flashlight go out on you when you’re going down the stairs to check out that strange noise. Forget batteries, have a flashlight that you power by shaking or cranking)
* Lighter (A reliable one would be nice to either light the bonfire to alert the authorities that you made it out a live or to light that propane tank nearby and kill the evil cannibalistic family)
* Holy Water (you know…just in case.)
* Super Glue (In a pinch it can be used to help without a gash, it doesn’t take up too much space, and again useful in a variety of ways)
*Duct Tape (Yep its versatile. Granted I’d only be bringing one roll so building the boat out of duct tape will not be happening as we try to escape the demons from hell, but again useful. Macgyver would be proud)
*How to Survive a Horror Film the Book (if all else fails, we can use it as a firestarter)

Wait what was that noise? Did I miss anything? What would your choices be?

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