Sunday, March 17, 2013


Our favorite geek books, shows and movies show us some pretty good occupations. When you’re a kid you have to admit your career plans are pretty exciting. You set your sights on an Astronaut, a Ballerina, or a Jedi. so it had me thinking about hypothetical career choices. Here are my top Seven.

Vampire Slayer: “ She alone will fight against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness. She is...the Slayer”. Buffy is awesome and while the career choice thrust on her can be a bit dramatic and a wee bit scary, it isn’t a bad job. She is a superhero saving the innocent from the bad guys. She has strength, power and a great set of Scoobies who are the sidekicks every heroine needs. More than all of that though, more than the hells yeah to girl power, being a vampire slayer may not pay all that well and chances for tenure are pretty slim, but you do save the world every day. It forces you to be brave or you fail. You find that inner strength you thought you didn’t have and you become a fighter and a survivor. Oh and you get kick some major ass. Plus any chance that I might get to hang with Spike is fine by me.

Jedi: Who didn’t want to be a Jedi? Again it is all about the hero, the good guy with some awesome space magic skills. The force, the lightsabers, and possibly a wookie as a friend or co-worker. Admit it that is way better than 10 hour days, a cubicle and that annoying coworker you want to throw into the Sarlacc Pit. Plus your office is the universe. Sweet. And company vehicles could include a Millennium Falcon captained by one hell of a rogue. 

Pirate: Shiver me timbers and drink up me hearties yo ho. Admit it you could have a crew that consists of Jack Sparrow and Will and The Dread Pirate Roberts. Whoo hoo. It wouldn’t be so bad. You get rum and get to sail the seas. There is the eyeliner, got to have the eyeliner. Oh and swords and possibly a parrot or a monkey. I think there is something exciting about a pirates rules, excitement, danger and thrills. Oh and did I mention treasure? Of course you could go the way of Space Pirates whether it is an Ice Pirate (fist bump if you’ve seen that film) or a Smuggler like Han or Mal (either of those last two could be my Captain tight pants any day). As I said there is something about living on the fringe that is exciting.

Ninja: Quick, Deadly, Silent, Invisible....completely bad ass. I think I have said enough. *throwing star*
Tomb Raider: Indy, Lara, and’s not hard to look up to them and their badassness. Archaeologist by day, thief by night granted at least one of them might actually give the artifacts to a museum or the rightful owner. The adventure is certainly there whether you are running away from giant boulders, The Illuminati, or you know the pirates. More than that you are seeing, and maybe stealing a piece of ancient history, solving time’s most intricate mysteries and doing it all with a certain je ne sais quoi.

Sorceress/Witch: I don’t want to be a muggle. I want the magic, lots of magic. I want to be like Gandalf except all lady like or my favorite red haired witch Miss Willow Rosenberg. Work would be pretty easy as there is always a spell or some conjuring to do. Given a choice of character class, I am always the magic user. And why not? Have a hard client, turn them into a frog. Need to take a break, go on a sabbatical but don’t forget to put up your sign that says, ‘Not Dead, Just resting’ like Granny Weatherwax. My life would be a hell of a lot simpler if I could sign up and send my resume to be a Sorceress. Anyone hiring?

Time Lord: Yes I am a Whovian but admit it that this would be an awesome job. You are a Gallifreyan, who can see everything that was, is and can be all at the same time. You would have a sweet company car called the TARDIS who presumably wouldn’t get stuck in her police box state and of course is much bigger on the inside. A sonic screwdriver is better than any red stapler they could give you, regeneration and two hearts are an amazing benefit package and did I mention you get to travel through space and time. I wouldn’t mind meeting up with 10 some time.

Honorable Mention: Princess: As a girl, I wanted to be a princess. I would have my castle, my frilly dresses and a unicorn because all princesses have unicorns. One day I would become Queen of course and like all princesses I was bound to meet Prince Charming. Disney has taught me all of this. Of course Disney also taught me some unrealistic expectations on hair and love, but...bygones, being a princess would be pretty sweet.

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